Why did I choose boudoir?
As women, we are often taught that our value lies in the roles we fulfill in our lives. Wife, career, mother, teacher, daughter - how well we serve those who hold expectations to how we carry out these roles. Boudoir wasn’t something that was on my radar until a close friend asked me to do a boudoir shoot for her as a Valentines gift for her husband. Not only did we laugh and have an absolute blast doing it, when she saw her images she was in shock, in awe, and with tears in her eyes thanked me from the bottom of her heart for showing her how truly beautiful she was.
As someone who struggles with her own self-confidence, it was then that I truly started to recognize the power in what I could do. It wasn't just pretty pictures and a fun time, it had truly impacted her and changed her life- and as a result, changed mine. I knew that with my camera in hand, I could help provide women of all shapes and sizes an experience that would truly impact them and how they view their body image. As a result, a new found dream was born.
The Transformation
What I want my clients to experience is that their worth and their value have nothing to do with the duties they carry out for others but the way they view themselves. The women who brave walking through my studio doors often enter feeling nervous, scared even but when they walk out...there is a noticeable difference. Their head is a little higher, their back a little straighter, and a glow is present that wasn't there before.
They realize that they are braver, stronger, more beautiful, and more resilient than they gave themselves credit for. They experience, sometimes for the first time in their lives, how beautiful and capable they really are. It is my favorite part of the session and it's a feeling that they revisit for months and years to come.
A little piece of my story.
Fun fact, I actually had a very traumatic birth that resulted in permeant nerve damage to my left arm. Due to my size at birth and the lack of knowledge and education in the area at the time there was no way to anticipate the difficulties my birth would entail that left me with a permanent disability. For many years I allowed this ailment to make me feel I was unworthy to be photographed. I tried to hide it and tried to be silent about it. Would my clients not want to book me because I had a physical disability in a very physically demanding field? Would I want my own photos? What if all I saw in my photos was my disability? Could I offer them the experience they deserve despite my physical challenges? All these questions plaqued me for far too long because I allowed them too.
I’ve realized through my own inner and outer work, through my own transformation those were lies I was telling myself. Disbelief stemmed from insecurity and I woke up one day and realized it makes me even BETTER at my job because it makes me real, relatable, and imperfect. It makes me able to be flexible and accepting of every woman, at every stage and create a safe place for them to be seen, be heard, and belong. It gave me a renewed sense of purpose and meaning and deepened by “why” even more!
Yup! That’s me at my own boudoir shoot!!
Having a disability no longer keeps me from jumping in front of the camera any chance I can get! I’ve had my photo taken more in the past year then I have the past 5. After all, it’s a miracle I’m alive, its a miracle I learned how to dress myself, do my own hair everyday, and discovered I can help women love themselves as I have learned to love myself despite physical obstacles. I AM PROUD of my body and all it’s been through. I have been a size 18 and a size 4 and everywhere in between. I’m now using my session to teach my teenage daughter to love herself, celebrate herself, and embrace her body no matter her obstacles.
Doing this has made me realize the power that one photograph holds. It changes the way we see ourselves, it brings out our strength, our confidence, it allows us to realize we CAN do hard and scary things. We have it in us to achieve anything!